Boss Guilt
Yesterday I came clean with my office manager.
“I feel guilty not being in the office when you’re in the office,” I told her. This was the FIRST time I’d ever raised the issue with my staff.
“Why!!?!,” she responded, “you are up working at 6am on cases and on weekends and holidays. It’s not like you’re not working.”
“I know, and agree,” I said, “but paying someone to be in the office certain hours each week makes me feel like I should be there when you’re there.” I confessed to her that I get a LOT of really good quality work done while working from home (and it also allays my dog-guilt, which is that my dogs are locked up when I’m away from the house and it makes me feel bad); working from home allows me to be uber-productive AND to have my dogs out and happy.
I know I didn’t need my employee’s permission. I’m the one who singularly generates the business and fills our funnel of potential cases, as well as the only one doing the actual lawyering that moves the case forward. I know in my heart and head, that I’m the one who is ultimately responsible for getting us paid. I know I don’t need to get anyone’s approval or permission to work from home sometimes, or to grab a midday bike ride.
Why then — is this such a common theme across the board of other bosses and business owners that I know? I mean for crying out loud, we started the business, we think about it 24/7 and we eat, sleep, and breathe its successes and failures. Why are we holding ourselves to our paid staff’s schedules and office hours?
Taken a step further - if we ARE the ones who hustle for biz dev, and we acknowledge that to be out networking and connecting with our potential customers, we literally HAVE to be away from the office… why are we confining ourselves to places and roles that don’t serve us, don’t serve our business, or both?
It all comes down to one word: Should.
“I should be at the office when my staff is there.”
“I should be leading my team on site so they’ll see i’m working just as hard as they are.”
“I should lead by example in showing my adherence to office hours so that they’ll see I don’t simply ask them "‘do as I say and not as I do’ …”
“I should be on site in case my team has questions I can answer or has problems I can solve.”
What recalibrates me when I get stuck in the should-spin-cycle?
This question:
“Megan, if you are going to stick yourself in an office behind a desk and work traditional hours and pigeonhole yourself into few vacations, being plugged in 24/7 and not giving yourself permission to work in a way that serves you best, YOU MAY AS WELL GO WORK FOR SOMEONE ELSE. Go clock in for someone else, and spare yourself the stress that wakes you up at 2am, the times you dip into savings to make payroll, the angst associated with ownership and your personal reputation and name on the line…. if you aren’t going to enjoy the perks associated with being the owner/boss, you may as well go find a job you can clock in and out for. At least then, you’ll know you can log off when you’re on vacation or enjoying a weekend.”